Three reasons why I’m not interested in having a “free and open discussion” with men about misogyny and male privilege [trigger warning for misogyny/transmisogyny]

Reason the First

Because this is usually where these “discussions” end up:

  • “You are wrong. I obviously have not actually listened to what you’ve said, but I know it’s wrong because I don’t see any evidence of male privilege, and I’m smarter than you because I have degrees in various unrelated fields.”
  • “Why are you focusing so much on women? What about men? When are one of these discussions going to center our feelings?”
  • “You’re fat, stupid and ugly, you bitch. Get back in the kitchen, because that’s all you’re good for (well, that, and letting me fuck you (not that I ever would fuck you (because you’re fat, stupid and ugly))).”
  • “You’re just as bad as misogynists because [picayune offense that can’t possibly be construed as oppression from any angle].”
  • “You’re not even a woman at all, because chromosomes/penis/dictionary/SCIENCE.”
  • “God, just SHUT UP. I’m sick of this topic.”

Nothing like a good discussion, eh? Indeed. This is nothing like a good discussion.

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Reason the Second

Often, the cries for “free and open discussion” from men are employed as an argument against women’s boundaries. When we tell sexist men that we’ve got better shit to do than indulge their need to spew patriarchal vomit that we’ve heard (and debunked) eighty zillion times before, that’s when they’re like, “So, what, you just want not to engage? You just want to shut down even the possibility of a discussion about this?”

Well, yes!

If I don’t wanna talk to you, then I don’t wanna talk to you. Period. No means no. And if you can’t accept my no when it comes to simple conversation, then that suggests that you also can’t accept my no when it comes to other things, which means that I have reason to fear you and I want to stay as far the fuck away from you as possible. So, yeah, kindly fuck off.

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Reason the Third

You know how creationists in the US are always going on about how science classes should teach creationism alongside evolution, even though the former is not science at all? And how climate change denialists are always like, “THE DEBATE IS NOT OVER!!” even though it basically is, and even though they have nothing new to add?

Sexist men use the exact same tactic. It doesn’t matter to them that we’ve heard it all before, or that we’ve debunked it all before; they simply have to have their ideas front and center at all times, and can’t stand when they aren’t. And so, they use the idea of “free and open discussion” — because who could possibly object to that, right? — as a way of continuing to spew their horseshit in spaces where it’s not welcome.

Well, I’m not falling for it. If you have something thoughtful or relevant to say, that’s one thing. If you’re just regurgitating ancient patriarchal canards, I am not even remotely interested. Go the fuck away.